ARGH

Got behind again, sorry.

The semester is starting to close in around me and I've been severely fatigued the past week and some change. I've been feeling pretty rotten or genuinely sick with something for close to two months now.

In other news, the roof is leaking!

Expect a deluge of shivs by the end of this weekend as I am getting caught up, and thank you for your patience. In the meantime, feel free to look over the older shivs, and maybe leave some comments. :D

Shiv #80 of 365 - Copper Knife #1

Shiv #80 - Copper Knife #1

I do make an honest effort to better vary the materials used in these shivs, which, believe you me, is no easy feat with another 285 left to make. To that end, I looked for some copper to make into blades and, upon finding nothing simple to use, bought a few copper pipe joiners to open up and flatten.

It worked well enough for me to do at least a few more like this. I can't say I'm ecstatic enough about turning pipes into plates to do these more regularly, though.

Bonus: Shiv made with a Lincoln Log.

Shiv #79 of 365 - Jugular Key

Shiv #79 - Jugular Key

For opening the jugular.

Shiv #78 of 365 - CD ROM Drive Door

Shiv #78 - CD ROM Drive Door

I was overwhelmed by a sense of perfect solace as I dismantled the damnable disc drive this door came from, as the drive had made a terrible hell of using my old desktop computer.

It was a Windows ME machine ... (this is where I wait for everyone to stop groaning) ... and was a pain to use every day after the first year I owned it. Replacing or upgrading hardware was particularly painful, as when this disc drive died on me, repacement drives would not take to the computer at all. This effectively stranded all my data, since I could not install a new OS on top of the resident Windows ME so that the computer could recognize the thumb drives or removable hard drives or even burn it all onto discs to shuffle along to a new computer.

It is now nearing the end of 2009 and I am still e-mailing myself my MP3s and pictures off the old computer, as frequently as I can stomach using the frickin' thing.

Shiv #77 of 365 - Shivswagen

Shiv #77 - Shivswagen

Vee Dub, y'all.

Shiv #76 of 365 - Pain' Brush

Shiv #76 - Pain' Brush

Because like omission?

Shiv #75 of 365 - Hello Kitty Cutter

Shiv #75 - Hello Kitty Cutter

Because the other one was a poker.

Shiv #74 of 365 - Remember, Remember!

Shiv #74 - Remember, Remember!

Remember, remember, the Shivth of November!

Shiv #73 of 365 - Dental Hooligan

Shiv #73 - Dental Hooligan

Yeah, look, see? Sharpening toothbrushes is just fun, alright?

Shiv #72 of 365 - Sponge Brush

Shiv #72 - Sponge Brush

Comes in packs of like eleventy for just a couple bucks or something. Because they're awful.

Shiv #71 of 365 - Manicurist

Shiv #71 - Manicurist

Approximately one third of some nail clippers.

(In other news: I'm still under the weather, but Girl-Girl is on vacation. Win some, lose some.)

(Winnings and losses not in respective order.)

Shiv #70 of 365 - Severe Elephant

Shiv #70 - Severe Elephant

I stole its ivory and gave it aluminum.

Also it has a little orange button on its belly that makes it bellow like REEEAAWWRRR when it is pressed.

Thank you, Target, for your $1.00 mass-produced junk section.

Shiv #69 of 365 - Shiv'er Me Timbers

Shiv #69 - Shiv'er Me Timbers

And this brings us up to date.

I saw this little sailboat in a thrift store, and it pretty much made itself after that. Its rudder was broken off, so I gave it a new one.

A better one.

Shiv #68 of 365 - Spray Bottle Bayonet

Shiv #68 - Spray Bottle Bayonet

See, you can be like spritz spritz spritz and then stab a fool?

Shiv #67 of 365 - Nasty Screw

Shiv #67 - Nasty Screw

Remember Dirty Screw? Well, this one's nasty. :D

Shiv #66 of 365 - Toothcutter

Shiv #66 - Toothcutter

I was really looking forward to posting this one, since this marks the official point where I have less than 300 shivs left to make. But then I got sick and I didn't care much.

9 out of 10 dentists agree that this is the worst toothbrush ever.

Shiv #65 of 365 - Remote Control Bayonet

Shiv #65 - Remote Control Bayonet

I've wanted to do this shiv pretty much since the first week of the Shiv365 project.

Shiv #64 of 365 - Big Nail

Shiv #64 - Big Nail

This is a pretty fierce nail. Sometimes, a pretty fierce nail is what's needed.

Shiv #63 of 365 - Buddha's Fangs

Shiv #63 - Buddha's Fangs

I've been sick this past week and found it difficult to commit myself to playing with power tools or breathe normally, so this is back-dated to Sunday, October 25th's shiv.

What are the two most useless things in the world?

The Pope's testicles.

Fangs on the Buddha are pretty close, though.

Shiv #62 of 365 - Know What a File Is

Shiv #62 - Know What a File Is

You know what a file is?

And you know what wittles is?

You bring me, to-morrow morning early, that file and them wittles.

Shiv #61 of 365 - Unsafety Scissor #2

Shiv #62 - Unsafety Scissor #2

Part two of the broken scissors.

I made this with a lot of scrap bits, which is why it has four or five different twist ties, a barely useful length of a dowel rod, and three kinds of string holding it together.

Shiv #60 of 365 - Toofbruss

Shiv #60 - Toofbruss

Sharpened toofbruss.

Shiv #59 of 365 - Thingy #1

Shiv #59 - Thingy #1

I dunno what this is.

In other news, I was really busy this week and didn't have time to post all these.

BETR L8 THAN NEV0R

Shiv #58 of 365 - Shivasaw

Shiv #58 - Shivasaw

Reciprocating saw blade, sharpened on the other edge.

Also note my filthy work table.

(It's really a protective plywood panel on top of a table I don't want to screw up too bad, but that's plenty "work table" enough for me.)

Shiv #57 of 365 - Five-Spike

Shiv #57 - Five-Spike

I've made a few filthydirty shivs so far, but this is probably the new king of filthynasty.

That's five nasty pokes for the price of one.

Shiv #56 of 365 - Polly Pocket Knife

Shiv #56 - Polly Pocket Knife


This is the sort of thing that, to me, is simply intuitive.

Also note the bonus shiv; she's holding her own wee poker!

(As if it needed to be said, I have no affiliation with whoever it is that owns and/or produces Polly Pocket.)

Shiv #55 of 365 - Unsafety Scissor #1

Shiv #55 - Unsafety Scissor #1

Formerly a part of a pair of safety scissors.

Expect the other part sometime ohhhh next week.

Shiv #54 of 365 - Aluminum Knife #2

Shiv #54 - Aluminum Knife #2

And the sequel to the first Aluminum Knife.

Expect a goodly number of entries into this subseries. A number of shivs outside the Aluminum Knife nomenclature already use aluminum for their blades.

The tools I have for working these shivs somewhat limits my selection of metals, and so far I've found aluminum to be a great blade material because it's both feasible as a blade, being sturdy and capable of holding a fair edge, and it's soft enough to work with, from cutting to grinding edges to drilling holes for tang screws.

Shiv #53 of 365 - Beamshiv #2

Shiv #53 - Beamshiv #2

Fifty shivs later and we see the next Beamshiv, this time made with a SteelTec beam.

Splendor abounds.

Shiv #52 of 365 - Brass Monkey Poker

Shiv #52 - Brass Monkey Poker

Mmm, deliberate ambiguity.

Shiv #51 of 365 - I'm a Shark/Shiv

Shiv #51 - I'm a Shark/Shiv


In celebration of the new music video for mCRT's nerdcore rapstravaganza song "I'm a Shark" from his recent album Penis Monologues, I present to the world this shiv, which is a shark, and a shiv.

You can see the video on the YouTubes right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tfsREIMIhk

You can listen to and download mCRT's Penis Monologues and his other albums at his web site: http://www.robisfunny.com/

Shiv #50 of 365 - Wooden Spool

Shiv #50 - Wooden Spool

I figured I should get another spool shiv made.

I am a fool for spools.

Shiv #49 of 365 - Golf Tee

Shiv #49 - Golf Tee

Sorry this one is a little late.

After we got home from the Richmond Folk Festival, some srs bsns fell into my lap and it had to be sorted.

Shiv #48 of 365 - Receipt Paper Spool

Shiv #48 - Receipt Paper Spool

We were in line at Kroger when the receipt paper spool went empty.

Of course I had to have it.

Shiv #47 of 365 - Nailer

Shiv #47 - Nailer

I don't even know 'er.

Shiv #46 of 365 - Dada #1 : Cereal Killer

Shiv #46 - Dada #1 : Cereal Killer

Just 160 calories per stabbing!

Shiv #45 of 365 - 3 Iron

Shiv #45 - 3 Iron

It's been too long since the last time I broke a golf club.

If you've never experienced such a treat, keep in mind that golf clubs are hollow and made of fairly brittle metal. If you slammed one with a hammer, it'll bend a little and split. If you outright snap one, it could throw shards, so keep your golf clubs away from eyes and faces.

:D

Shiv #44 of 365 - Broken Razor #1

Shiv #44 - Broken Razor #1

I think I can go places with this.

I mean, places other than through a metal detector.

Shiv #43 of 365 - Aluminum Knife #1

Shiv #43 - Aluminum Knife #1

Hammered aluminum bar in a Jenga block.

Love those things.

Shiv #42 of 365 - Spoon Part 2

Shiv #42 - Spoon Part 2

The spoony-bowly part of the spoon. Flattened. Sharpened.

EXCITEMENT ENTERS MAXIMUM TERRITORY.

Shiv #41 of 365 - Spoon Part 1

Shiv #41 - Spoon Part 1

Spoon handle crammed into part of a capsule inhaler.

Asthma is still sexy.

Expect the exciting sequel tomorrow.

Shiv #40 of 365 - Shivvy the Vampire Slayer

Shiv #40 - Shivvy the Vampire Slayer

Sometimes a piece of metal for a proper poker isn't available, so people would make a shiv out of even more impractical things, like bones or wood.

So it's October now and I'm thinking, "None of these shivs could stop DRACULA!"

I had to change that.

Shiv #39 of 365 - Pretty Makeshift

Shiv #39 - Pretty Makeshift

This was the first shiv with which I tried hammered aluminum. It was pretty encouraging, so I hammered other things, became more excited about those, and pretty much forgot about this one.

The curving of the blade is a pleasant side effect to the hammering; pounding one edge expands the metal along that side, causing it to steadily bow as the opposite edge keeps tight and unstressed.

Shiv #38 of 365 - Rice Cooker Lever

Shiv #38 - Rice Cooker Lever

I like rice. I go through a rice cooker like once a year, because they're cheaply-made, mass-produced crap.

But, man - do they make good rice or do they make good rice?

Shiv #37 of 365 - Zero Shiv

Shiv #37 - Zero Shiv

I was in a Walgreens or something one day and noticed there were Mega Man action figures on the shelves. Being a Mega Man fanboy since ohhh 1987 or so, I figured one couldn't hurt. I saw this one figure of Zero, from the Mega Man X series, but in a black theme. I thought that looked pretty sweet and sleek on him, so I went with the Zero.

I got home and cracked open the packaging, gagging at the smell of plastic and paint and rubber, and pulled the Black Zero from his trappings. I raised his left arm to do that fist-in-the-air badass pose, and the arm promptly snapped right off in my hand.

Screw Jazwares and their crappy action figures.

In other news, this shiv puts the project at a tenth of the way to completion. Tell your friends - I'm going alllllllllll the waaaaaayyyyy.

Shiv #36 of 365 - Wheelie

Shiv #36 - Wheelie

Sorta like a pizza cutter, eh?

Sharpened washer on a puzzle piece on a Jenga block. Lordy, I love some Jenga blocks.

Shiv #35 of 365 - Shivosaur

Shiv #35 - Shivosaur

Rawwwrrrr!

(Shout-outs to Jezzi, what what.)

Shiv #34 of 365 - The Million Dollar Question

Shiv #34 - The Million Dollar Question

This shiv is made with a bible tract some guy foisted onto me one night during a First Fridays gallery walk in Richmond, VA. I thought it might be amusingly ironic to turn into a shiv this faux million dollar bill tract asking "The Million Dollar Question" of whether or not I am fit for Heaven.

I want to be clear that this isn't so much that I have a problem with Christians, but with pushy Christians. Like the kind that camp out around the gallery walk and bellow fire-and-brimstone fear-mongering at people through a megaphone.

Jesus's message was about love and getting along, taking a moral high road, being better people - not making a spectacle of yourself shouting fear at peaceful people as they pass the street corner your buddies work every first Friday of the month.

Shiv #33 of 365 - Red-Handled

Shiv #33 - Red-Handled

This is an aluminum rod inserted into a painted wooden handle from a cheap plastic rolling pin, then hammered flat into a blade and and given a nasty edge.

Shiv #32 of 365 - Gift Card

Shiv #32 - Gift Card

Made from a gift card.

I'm not going to polish this one up too much; it's thin, flexible plastic, and even with minor serrations carved into its edge, it's pretty dull. It does have a good point, though, and the coffee stirs bracing it do keep it pretty sturdy, so this could feasibly work for one good strike.

And that's all ya need.

Shiv #31 of 365 - Thorn

Shiv #31 - Thorn

Tee hee, it has a cloth rose on it.

I promise something far dirtier tomorrow.